For over two years, one woman has been trapped in a state of emotional and legal suspended animation — separated from her husband, yet unable to move on with her own life. Her story, released recently online, reveals a disturbing abuse of VA benefits and the maddening bureaucratic barriers that can occur when one spouse just refuses to sign off on a divorce.
A life on hold
“I simply want to be left alone and move forward,” she says. The woman, who is technically still married to a 100% disabled veteran, indicates they have been separated for two years and share one child. She has three other children from a past relationship — all of whom her estranged husband continues to collect VA benefits for.
The problem? He refuses to grant her a divorce
She says it’s not reconciliation, or love, or even custody — the case has already been through court. Instead, she says it appears to be a money matter. “He wants to have the money flowing,” she says. Despite a court-ordered payment of child support, he hasn’t paid her a cent. Meanwhile, he’s bought himself a new house and works full-time as a barber, all while collecting full VA disability and dependent benefits.
Manipulation and Control
The woman believes that her ex’s resistance to divorce is not just about money, but power. “It’s like narcissistic and manipulative,” she acknowledges. “He’s making it so hard to get a divorce.”
When she tries to advance the legal process, he reschedules court dates with flimsy excuses and throws around charges, including claims that she’s cheated or drunk — claims she denies. “If it’s not one thing, it’s another,” she says.
The tension, the ambiguity, and the absence of financial support are hurting her. “What can I do?” she asks. “It seems almost impossible.”
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What legal experts recommend
Veterans and attorneys in cyber-speak have also weighed in with advice. The decision: she can go ahead with or without his blessing.
Divorce laws vary among states, but in most states, she doesn’t need his consent to file. If he won’t play ball, courts can still grant the divorce after he has been properly served.
A few veterans directed her to an alternative called apportionment — a way of applying for a portion of her ex-husband’s VA benefits in her child’s name. Application VA 21-0788 allows eligible dependents to receive direct payments, especially if the veteran is not fulfilling financial responsibilities.
Others advised that she consult a family law attorney or free legal aid offices. Pro bono representation or legal clinics are offered in some states for low-income families, especially where child support and abuse of custody have been alleged.
Getting justice for herself and her children
At the same time, the woman is urged to document all of this — especially missed payments, court orders, and any attempts at contacting her ex about child support. She can also collaborate with the child support enforcement agency in her state and even have the local sheriff’s department enforce the court order.
As one commentator joked, “The VA won’t take away his disability benefits without a court order — but if he keeps violating the law, he’s playing with fire.”
The journey may be long, but not hopeless. With the right support, she can become independent again — and earn the security that her children require.
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